End of Education?

Government ditches plan to educate people

THE government has scrapped plans to educate people aged between five and 22.

Knowing nothing is no bar to getting a well-paid job

Education secretary Michael Gove said teaching children was too complicated and taxpayers’ money would be better spent putting pictures on things.

But Mr Gove said that the abolition of education means that GCSEs will continue.

He added: “The modern GCSE is a proven method of not-educating. Teachers need the couldn’t-give-a-shit structure of the GCSE system to ensure that no-one learns anything important.”

The GCSE will be reformed to ensure that the level of a child’s non-education will remain a secret until they actually sit an end-of-year exam.

Mr Gove said: “With continuous assessment you run the risk of discovering that a child may be learning something and that is just a bureaucratic nightmare.”

The National Union of Teachers said it would support the move as long as it meant that its members did not have to learn anything new.

A spokesman added: “We need to find a way of abolishing education that takes the hassle out of being a teacher.”